Clichés of the XMen Kind
by Japanese Nonsymbols
Summary: Are you horribly depressed? Obsessed with X-Men? Then we have the thing for you! There are muffins! There is socks! There are Acolytes carrying boxes! There is Romy! There is Magneto's self waving cape! And best of all...Remy's trenchcoat!


**Summary**_-Basically you have come across a very strange, and random story. If that does not appeal to you, please leave. Seriously. In fair warning, this story has no sense of a plot, whatsoever. The only thing minorly stringing it along is the fact that we are going to exploit every single cliché that Evo fanficiton writers use in their stories. If you have any suggestions, you are more than welcome to share them with us. Again, please, if this is not your cup of tea, don't read. But if you like a good laugh on a story that is generally about nothing (save it involves our favorite characters) then this is the story for you! Beyond it's randomness, it probably has no redeeming value, whatsoever…_

**Japanese's Note-**_I don't know what happened man! We were all like Woah! And then there was a crash and green stuff was splattered everywhere, and then, well, this is the result. Dear God, not the pineapples! *cringes in terror* (When throwing rotten fruit at the authoresses, try not to use spikey, pointy things, or it might injure them. Unless that's your intention, then go right ahead and throw.)_

Nonsymbol's Note- _Um, I don't have one finished... it was started, but, meh, not done.. _

            (Japanese's first note-post it anyway)

_okie…This story is totally PLOTLESS INSANITY!!!! WHEEEE!!! *throws balloons in the air* _ _Jacen: *tackles balloon to ground, stabbing it with fork*_ _...Yeah, Jacen's happy too...in a...different manner..._

            (Japanese's extra note-Jacen is her muse…and that's the note. Hurray!)

**~*~**

"SOCKS!!!" a voice screamed, rattling the metal dome the Acolytes affectionately called 'The Metal Dome'. A spikey-haired teen ran by, waving his arms over his head, looking quite frantic. "Get it off!! Get it OFF!!!" he continued, thrashing about madly.

A weary, but ever attractive teen wandered behind him, rolling his unusually colored eyes as he plucked the multi-colored socks off his companion, "Mon Dieu! Dat is what y'get fo' tryin' ta jump into de dryer because y'are too lazy ta use a towel!"

John looked at him, as if offended. "I'm not lazy mate! It was fun!" he said, calming down now that the offending socks no longer touched him. "A bit dizzying, but fun! You should try it sometime..."    

            Remy blinked, as always a bit confused by his redheaded friend, but much too polite to say otherwise. He might have replied, but a figure entered the room, carrying a box, "Piotr, dis is our day of, wha' are y'tryin' ta do, convince Mags ot'erwise?"

            "Magneto left a list of things for us to complete before our day-off begins. Carrying boxes is one of zhem." Piotr replied, blinking, and continuing on his not-so-cheerful-and-merry way, holding the large wooden box. He paused, looking back. "Be careful. He looks ready to burn many things." he added, motioning to John, who was fingering his lighter.

            John grinned winningly, "Wot? The metal boxes won't burn, mate!" 

            "What metal boxes?" Remy glanced around, frowning at the somehow massive pile of boxes that had just appeared. It had to be Piotr's fault, but no one could blame him unless they had a huge can opener and a electrical outlet handy.

            "Exactly!" John said cheerfully, flicking his lighter top open.

            Pitor re-entered the room, now boxless. He blinked at them silently, picked up a box, glared at it, and left. 

John and Remy blinked; glanced at each other, then back at the doorway. 

"Mate, do ya' think he tries ta scare us?" John asked after a moment of silence.

            "Don' know what t' t'ink..." Remy replied.

            "I was thinkin'…" John said as they reluctantly wandered over to pick up boxes, "Wot happened to Sabretooth?"

            Remy shook his head, "Don' y'know anyt'ing? He died in a freak accident wit' dat Badger-like fellow, one of dose X-Men." He casually lifted up one of the smaller boxes, smirking as John attempted to drag the heaviest, largest box across the floor with little results, "Y'know y'er goin' de wrong way, right?"

            "Shut up." St. John muttered, "Bloody box." He kicked it with his toe, and let out a yelp as pain shot through his foot. Hopping around, he tripped on the large box and fell to the ground in an ungainly heap, the lighter falling out of his palm and clattering against the woodiest of woody boxes, and setting it slowly ablaze.

            Remy cursed in French, walking over and poking John with his bo-staff, conveniently in his hand already. John mumbled and curled into a ball.

            Remy poked him again. "Put dat out." he said, "C'mon, befo' dey all catch fire!"

            John looked up. "Fire?" he asked, and a maniacal grin lit his face. He sat up quickly and started laughing, watching the box burn.

            Which, like a chain reaction, set off more and more boxes as John laughed with glee and made fiery shapes with the flames. Remy shook his head and inched out of the room, bumping into Piotr who was entering to get another box, "Y'don' wanna go in dere, mon ami." The note in his tone was warning.

            Piotr gazed around and frowned, "Enough!" 

            And for some reason, John listened to him, dousing the flames. The reality was that Piotr would tattle on them if he burned down the Metal Dome (this was the third one this week), and John was already pretty much grounded to the Dome for burning down the last fast food place they went to earlier that day.

            "Fine." John said sullenly as he stared at the charred boxes, but then brightened again as he looked at Remy questioningly, "So Sabretooth's dead, but wot happened to monkey man, Y'know, Mastermind, freaky guy?"

            "De circus caught 'im. T'ought he was one o' deir escaped apes...He couldn' fight de clowns dat came fo' 'im." Remy responded, sitting on a box, which happened to be the one Piotr was picking up. 

            He looked around, slightly confuzzled to find himself, and the box on which he sat, in the air. The box tilted, and he fell off. Lucky for him, the metal floor under him fell away, so he didn't hit it.

            UN-lucky for him, he fell ten feet, hit a cement floor, and opened his eyes to see chickens staring at him. "Bonjour ladies..Remy'll be goin' now." he said, standing and trying to climb out of the pit.

            John peered into the large hole that Remy so gallantly made, and a wide, maniacal grin spread across his face, "Wot do y' boys say to chicken tonight?" Somehow managing to salvage the lighter that had been lost in the box accident, he flicked the top open, "Crispy, extra crispy, or charred?"

            Remy looked on in horror, unable to move because the chickens were pecking at his ankles and tripping him up. Piotr said nothing, because secretly he was fond of chicken, and wasn't about to pass up the opportunity for freshly fried meat.

            The phone rang, however, and John's short attention span wavered. Well sort of. He set the phone on fire instead, in a fiery inferno that Dante would have been proud of. Piotr made a small sound of disappointment before hauling Remy out of the hole (which is unexplainable, but it happened).

            "Now y' burnt de phone?! Y' gonna get us killed, y' know dat? Mags ain' gonna like hav'n' t' buy a new one." Remy said, dusting himself off. 

            "Aw, c'mon mate! You can always steal a new one!" John said, waving a had dismissivly.

            Remy blinked, shrugged, and started towards the doorway. Then he halted. "Dat call could'a been fo' Remy!" he said, almost whining. Inwardly he wondered at this, but made no outward sign that he noticed his tone.

            John shrugged. "Too late now!" he said brightly. "So...chicken?"

            Remy threw his hands in the air and fled the room, under the excuse of going to steal a new phone.

            Magneto floated through the window dramatically, causing John to cower in the corner, fearful of the flowing cape that wavered behind him like it was alive or something. It was alive, actually, there were squirrels inside of it, jumping around to make it all floaty, but Magneto would rather die than tell anyone that.

            Piotr stood solemnly, clutching his favorite box, worn with the many passages of moving it from the metal garage to the metal living room and back again. It was rather like a security blanket; save it was cube-like and made of wood.

            Magneto blinked his glowing eyes, "Where is Gambit? Did I give any of you leave to exit the dome? Did I?!" His voice rose to a shout, "How dare Gambit leave…why did he leave?"

            "He broke the phone!" John blurted, trying to cover the fact that he himself had burnt it to a crisp.

            "Did I ask you?!" Magneto roared, clutching his helmet like he had a headache, "Colossus, BRING ME GAMBIT…now!"

~*~

            Remy ran all the way to the mall, then stopped, put on his dark sunglasses, and entered the electronics store.

            "Hello, may I help you?" a woman asked. He shook his head and tossed her a smile, before retreating to the rear of the store, sneaking around like a thief should when stealing expensive items from under the saleswoman's nose.

            "Score: 1 fo' Remy, 0 fo'...everyone else." he murmured, picking up the box the phone was in.

            He heard voices, and ducked behind a display of headphones. One voice was female, with a Southern accent. He smiled to himself, and stood, the rather large and bulky box somehow hidden perfectly, without a bulge, in his long trench coat.

            Rogue sauntered around a corner, in front of his line of vision, but he was still hidden from her. She held two cords in her hand, and a frown marred her darkly makeup-ed face, "Ah don't get it! If Rahne hadn't chewed through those cords, we wouldn't have this problem!"

            The girl beside her grinned, "Like, don't worry about it Rogue. It's the one in your left hand. See the end of it, it's wider, and will fit in the hole." She posed, "And they say I am not a computer genius!"

            Rogue rolled her eyes, "Right Kitty, you're so intelligent. Ah bow to your extraordinary, cord picking powers. Now can we go? Ah don't wanna ruin my rep by being caught in an electronics store." 

            Remy grinned, poked his head out from behind the display. "'Ello dere Cherie. Fancy meet'n' y' here." he said, stepping foreward. 

            Kitty's eyes widened, and she stepped away from him, obviously scared of him. He blinked at her behind his glasses, and turned his attention to the other girl.

            "What'd'ya want Swamp Rat?" Rogue asked, putting a hand on her hip. 

            "Not'in'. 'M just...browsing." he said, almost mentioning the fact that there was a brand new phone in his coat.

            "Uh-Huh...Like Ah believe that one." she said, rolling her eyes. "Kit, ya'll go on an' pay fo' th' cord, alrhite? Ah'll beh right out."

            Kitty nodded and skipped away. "Now seriously, what high-priced it'm 're ya' stealin'?" Rogue asked.

            "Phone. Johnny burned th' ot'er one at de base..." he said, smiling. 

            "What makes yah think Ah'm not gonna turn yah in?" Rogue said, a sly smile crossing her features, and she even took a threatening step towards the woman at the front of the shop.

            Remy's gaze shot warily at the woman and then back at Rogue, "Ah, Remy t'inks dat y're bluff-" He trailed off as Rogue shot over to the counter, waving her hands in the air like crazy.

            "Lady! That man ovah there is stealin a phone!" Rogue screeched, shooting him a haughty look, "He told meh! Stop him! Theif!"

            Remy paled considerably.

            "Y'...Y' betrayed y'r Remy?!" Remy asked, looking ready to cry as the security guards swarmed in. 

            Rogue threw back her head, laughing maniacally. She stopped suddenly, her face serious, and nodded. "Have a nhice day Cajun." she said, smiling innocently, and walked out with Kitty.

            Remy watched her go, and didn't notice handcuffs appear magically on his wrists. When he noticed, it was because people were searching through his coat. 

            Paperclips, decks of cards, a few pens and pencils, a ball of yarn, another pair of sunglasses, a packet of instant oatmeal, a box of microwave-popcorn, a spoon, a pair of socks, a slipper, and a lighter he'd stolen from John came out, followed by a diamond necklace -- stolen, of course -- and the phone. 

            "Gosh, I gotta get me one'a them coats..." one guard said, shaking his head in astonishment. 

~*~

            "Why haven't you moved!" Magneto roared, glaring at his men (sans Remy) who were sitting on the couch, watching television.

            John grinned winningly, "Sorry mate, it is our day off."

            "You didn't finish moving the boxes!" Magneto looked almost depressed at the amount of boxes sitting around the living room, "We look like we just moved in or something!"

            Piotr pointed to something on television, "Look."

            The picture showed Remy being hauled into a police car. Magneto groaned, "Not again…"


End file.
